Hiking my Way to Happiness
The joke among my friends for many years was that a depressing day for me was the same as most people’s emotional state on a good day. Then I turned 38, and I won’t go into details, but I reached a point where I couldn’t even talk to my life coach without crying, so she eventually suggestion medication. For the first time, I was depressed with a capital “D”. Things turned around eventually, and in 2013 I got married, became pregnant with my first child, and moved to Portland… an excellent change of scenery after years in Los Angeles.
As my due date neared, I started to feel the old dark cloud edging back in. Everywhere I looked I saw stories on postpartum depression. People talked about it in my mama preparation classes and in prenatal yoga. I talked to my doctor about whether I could breastfeed and medicate once I had a child. I was convinced I was doomed to postpartum depression because the memories of my dark place were in the not-so-distant past. It’s estimated close to a million women a year suffer from postpartum depression.
The news loves to latch on to stories about women who really go off the deep end. Publications like the Huffington Post and the New York Times often have stories about “lonely mama syndrome” where women wax on about how isolating it is to be a new parent. Believe me when I say that I read every one of those articles word-for-word. When my son arrived I was high with the euphoria of newborn love. But I was also weepy, overwhelmed, bleary eyed and hormone-whacked. One minute I was laughing at my baby pooping 12 times a day, and the next minute I was sobbing about my sore nipples and how exhausted I was.
It didn’t help that my husband would just stand there looking at me like I was a stranger and say thing like, “Seriously what’s your problem? You are just sitting here nursing all day. It can’t be THAT tiring?” This, of course, was my mama-brained interpretation and would make me sob harder. The fear of depression was overwhelming. On about week three after Mason was born, I found myself sitting in a new mama group inside in the middle of summer. I heard myself complaining about my husband and how he just didn’t understand how tired I was and how scared I was of getting depressed.
Everything was scary. I was scared of people on the street, cars getting to close to us on the freeway, lead poisoning in our windows, pretty much everything in the world was out to get my beautiful new baby. And as I thought and talked more about all of this, I could feel the symptoms of depression lingering darkly around the edges of my newborn bliss. As I looked out the window at the sunny July day I remember thinking, “What would happen if I got so depressed I couldn’t take care of Mason?”
That’s when it dawned on me that the one thing that always made me feel a little better in the past when falling down the dark rabbit hole was sitting outside. Even if I did nothing, just sitting outside breathing fresh air made a difference. Then I thought, “what if we could be having this same experience of talking to each other about nursing and dealing with our new lives and our fears outside, instead of in this cozy, safe little room?” While it was lovely, it was also too sheltered and was not helping all of my depression anxiety.
I asked the group if anyone wanted to go on a little hike with me. Nothing hard, just a half-mile trail down the street from my house. There was just one thing, I didn’t really know how to use my carrier, so I was scared to go alone. And it wasn’t really a very good stroller trail. The next week, armed with a ridiculous amount of stuff in my BOB stroller I went to a park near my house that had a mellow trail. For this “major” outing I brought a carrier, a days worth of diapers, diaper cream, water, food and who knows what else. Three women were waiting there at the trailhead and two more texted to say they were on the way. I was a bit shocked that they came.
I was still nervous about carrying Mason, so I started out with the stroller on the hiking trail. Eventually we came to a place where it was obvious I needed to ditch the stroller and carry my son. These veteran mamas helped me slide Mason into the carrier, and off we went. I only made it about another 15 minutes before I got tired and turned around, but it was exhilarating to feel the dirt under my feet for that half of a mile. I felt my spirits rising, and I knew I wanted to do it the next week.
The next day I woke up feeling overwhelmed about my husband working out of town for 3 weeks. That dark cloud was hovering in the back of my mind. Mark had gone out for the day, so I decided to go for a walk. I started with the neighborhood, pushing the stroller, but then as I neared the park, I decided to try stepping on to the trail. I locked up the stroller and asked a stranger passing by if she could help me buckle the back of my carrier. I tried to act nonchalant like I totally did this all the time. There were so many things going through my mind. What if Mason had a blow out? Did I bring enough stuff? I couldn’t carry anything but a baby in the carrier. What if I needed to nurse. I had only nursed in the privacy of my home at that point and was still struggling with it. What if he slipped down in the carrier or I just dropped him? What if a scary homeless dude was on the path? What would I do?
As I got on trail, I felt the pressure still there in my chest, but with every step the fears and tears started melting away. It was so silent in the forest. The birds got louder, as did the bubbling water in the stream on the side of the trail. Everything was so green and lush in spite of the sweltering July heat. I felt Mason’s sweaty little nearly naked body snuggled up against me. I leaned down and kissed his head and breathed in the new baby smell. I moved so slowly, but with every step I felt a little lighter, a little calmer.
That day I walked all the way up the trail to the stone house, doubling the distance I had done with the group the previous day. Along the way Mason got hungry, and I stopped and asked a random couple to unbuckle the carrier. I took my wailing baby to a quiet place off the trail and sat down to nurse. I was nervous and not as graceful as I would have liked, but I did get enough milk in Mason to appease him and get back home. And when my husband came home and I announced that I went hiking alone, I felt so proud of myself.
The next week, ten women showed up to join me. It seemed I wasn’t alone in feeling the need to commune with nature and “hike it out”. As the weeks progressed my circle of friends widened and new faces showed up to hike with us. I also noticed something shifting in me. With every hike, I felt physically stronger and the dark clouds moved further and further away from me.
In June, we celebrated our son’s second birthday on a hike with 30 or so friends whom we had met through hiking with our children. It was a sweltering day, much like those first days I ventured into the woods with Mason. As we approached a shady forested stretch and I watched Mason running and laughing and looked around at all of the smiling families around me, all I could think was how happy I was. The simple act of putting one foot in front of the other in an effort to evade depression got me here. It’s may be a cliché, but the first step truly is the hardest. Once you take it, you’ll notice how quickly the path will open up in front of you and the clouds will lift.
Tips for Successfully Getting on the Trail
Create a regular hike/walk day.
Try to plan at least two hikes a week. (If you plan two, you’ll likely make it to at least one.)
Pack the night before so you don’t use the next morning’s chaos as an excuse to stay inside and skip it.
Choose a mantra for the trail. As heavier thoughts or stressful things enter your mind, go back to that word and look at the trail.
Try to leave the cell phone out of reach so you can enjoy the hike.
Find a hike buddy who will help keep you accountable and get you out there.
Don’t let your gear hold you back. Think used, think simple, think repurpose. I put my old cashmere socks on my baby’s legs over his clothes and booties to keep him warm on cold days!
Keep it close to home. No need to go on an epic journey to find adventure. Some of my best days hiking were no more than a few miles from my house.
Don’t get hung up with weather. Rainy day? Carry an umbrella on trail. Too hot? Look for shady trails and water features.
Find groups like Hike it Baby (or start one in your area) to help get you out on days you just don’t feel like it.
Shanti Hodges hikes between 3-10 miles a week on average and tries to get outside with Mason at least 3 days a week year round. In spite of being viewed as a hike addict, she is not afraid to admit that she needs the Hike it Baby 30 Challenge to motivate herself out on the bad days! Her secret to getting out on days she's not feeling it and there isn't a challenge going on is to text a handful of her hike buddies and get them to guilt or motivate her out the door. This article first appeared in Green Child Magazine. Check them out for awesome stories about healthy parenting.
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OutGrown is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit that works to create a world where everyone can enjoy the physical and mental benefits of spending time outside. We are focused on creating opportunities and removing barriers to access so families with babies and young children can take their first steps outside. We believe all families have the right to connect with nature, benefit from spending time outdoors and be inspired to a lifelong love of nature. Since its grassroots inception in 2013, OutGrown is a growing community of 280,000 families and over 300 volunteer Branch Ambassadors. More information on all of our programs can be found at WeAreOutGrown.org
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Remember the first time you went on a hike with Hike it Baby how you felt? I felt supported, safe, not alone, excited. I felt like I didn’t have to apologize for being slow, tired, forgetful and clumsy. Remember the first time a stranger showed up on your hike that you led? She was that woman who just found the group on the internet or had a friend send her the Facebook link? My first “stranger” to the group was a woman named Kali. She showed up in skate sneakers, a hoody and an oversized North Face jacket (probably her hubby's) on a dreary, soggy NW day at Tryon Creek. I pretty much expected that I would be hiking alone because the weather forecast claimed hail and 50 degrees. Pretty bleak when you have a baby strapped to your chest.
But then one woman showed up, and another, and another. At 15 minutes after the hike time there were like 28 mamas and babies in total. We all hunkered down under a big wood shelter and contemplated if we should go for it. A few people made carrier and stroller changes. It wasn't a stroller day. That much we determined. We would be hiking, baby on chest.
Kali had found us by Google-ing "mamas and hiking in Portland". The website had only been up a few weeks and I was so excited to hear that we were already showing up on Google. I am such a computer dork. Those were the kinds of things that excited me, even with my fatigued mama brain.
Kali’s little girl Dilly was suffering from severe colic and was about 12 weeks old. Kali hadn’t slept in months and was exhausted. Her husband was a nurse and worked long hours so she was alone a lot. And as we all know many hours alone with a screaming baby can drive a woman completely mad. It can also make us depressed, angry, frustrated, annoyed, disappointed, doubtful. All of those feelings are normal when you are a new parent, but the hope is that they’ll pass quickly. But when you are alone and have a baby who won’t stop screaming unless you walk or move non-stop, it’s hard to not get swallowed up by the heavy energy. From the moment Kali joined us I could tell she was already feeling better. She didn’t care about the rain or the fact that we started 30 minutes late because we all kept contemplating if we had enough clothes on and if the rain would stop. She just was excited to have instant new friends who really got exactly how she was feeling before she even said a word.
After 45 minutes of hiking the rain did lift and I remember thinking "wow, this is what it’s all about. We did it together." I never would have gone for a walk in rainstorm like this alone, but with the group it was fun. It reminded me of when you're a kid and you purposefully go out and play in rain puddles and even take your shoes off to see just how wet you can get! And then the sun broke through. And we all stood there together and snapped a pictures. We looked like drowned rats and it was awesome. I never felt more alive and satisfied. I remember on that day I knew that something was happening that was bigger than us. We were part of a village of women who wanted to do things just a little differently. We liked our mama groups and our book babies. Swim lessons were fun. But none of these things satiated our soul in quite the same way as a quiet walk in the woods with our little one sleeping peaceful next to our heart as we breathed in fresh mossy wet air.
While doctors don’t advise much exercise before 6 weeks postpartum, we had women out there that day with 3-6 week olds who had huge smiles on their faces. And women with older babies giving advise to those women with new little ones. Our little hike wasn’t about exercise. It was about connection, empowerment, doing things we never imagined we would do with a precious little baby like hiking in rainstorm. That day was also about making new friends, going down a trail literally and figuratively, some of us had never been down before with strangers. And we were trusting that they were there for us no matter what.
It was not long after that hike that I began reminding people on every hike that we had to remember two very important things always:
1. Leave no mama behind. Poopy diaper. We stop. Need to nurse. We stop. Mamas needs a break. We stop.
2. It’s the journey, never the destination. Enjoy the moment you are in and look down at your baby and just love on them and be there!
In our fast paced lives having a baby is one moment when we actually do have a few weeks or even months sometimes to slow down for a second. We can blame our pace on the baby and that’s ok. Having a baby gives us the opportunity to look around at the world with different eyes. And we can chose to look at the world as a big, bad scary place or we can embrace all the beauty. We can build a strong village up around us to allow only the good in if we are all in it together. And that’s what I am finding more and more every day as Hike it Baby grows.
After that hike I knew that something bigger had to happen then just me hiking in Portland with a group of women. I wanted to keep this growing bigger and spread it to other moms. I didn't have a plan or any real idea how that was going actually happen. I just knew that I had to push on and figure it out as I went. And that's brought me to today.
As of today Hike it Baby is in 29 cities officially and a few more are in the works and will be announced soon. We had 80 hikes on the calendar last week! We have helped countless women get on the trail, nurse on trail. figure out gear, make new friends, supported them in going back to work and re-entering the "real" world with a smile on their face. We all know exercise can have a dramatic effect on countering depression, but getting outside and walking has an even great effect on your spirit and has been proven to increase creativity! Hike it Baby now offers hikes, urban strolls, fast paced walks, toddler walks and more.
We are a live, thriving community of amazing women (and men) from Anchorage to Asheville to Portland to Houston to Nashville.
Over the next month I am going to ask a lot of you. I am going to ask you to step outside your comfort zone and ask people to help us grow Hike it Baby out. Hike it Baby doesn’t need a lot. This is not about money. This is about building a strong base for our organization that can be sustainable and can support women (and families) all over the country and maybe even world. You will see me and hear me often reference “women” first and then families. This if because I truly believe if we start with the mamas and step in mamas (foster, step, or otherwise) this community will be incredibly powerful. That said, it also takes amazing men! So we welcome all who are contributing to building healthy, happy families to help us with growing Hike it Baby.
Here are simple steps you can take to help it grow:
1. Contribute $5-25 if you can. Totally understand if you can’t. You are all putting a lot of time in leading hikes and helping the organization grow and that is appreciated. Money is just one piece of the puzzle.
2. Post the Indiegogo at least 1-3 times a week on your Facebook feed . Here’s the link and a few potential posts:
Love Hike it Baby. Spread the word. We have kicked off an Indiegogo and it’s an uphill climb! Give us a hand. http://www.igg.me/at/hikeitbaby
Help water our tree and watch it grow! http://www.igg.me/at/hikeitbaby
Don’t know what Indiegogo is? It’s crowdfunding and we are using it to help Hike it Baby climb to the next peak. Check it out and join the push. http://www.igg.me/at/hikeitbaby
3. If you have time take our SAMPLE LETTER and make it your own and send out to people who you think might be interested in Hike it Baby.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ODrQWFHPU0eEM00PFvws-8pDglZhZw4AXbXLdkrPmvY/pub
The other day a Hike it Baby mama in Portland told me that now when she goes out on hikes with her baby she looks at trails in a totally different way. She looks at them for how they would be for other women with new babies and little ones learning to walk. She has her eyes open for good places to nurse and change babies along the way. She said she’s excited now to “scout” new trails and can’t wait to put them in the calendar after she does them. I love that Hike it Baby has given her a new way to look at her surroundings. I hope you all feel the same way. I know I do.
Watching Hike it Baby grow has been an incredible journey. I am scared and nervous to see what happens next but I am also so excited. I could have never done any of this without all of your support. Every day when I open up my Facebook and see hikes across the country I feel such a warm feeling in my heart. It’s so cool to learn about new hikes and to see so many happy faces. I have a dream that one day Hike it Baby will be in every major city across America and that we can all feel so proud in knowing that we were part of the early growth and making it happen. It takes more than just one person to make a vision become a reality. It takes a village and with you all I have that. Sorry if I sound preachy here. Not meant to be. Just super excited about this campaign and even more excited to be done with it so we can really get down to business.
Helping fund Hike it Baby will do a few things:
1. Insure that hikes are always free for everyone.
2. Create marketing materials for hospitals, clinics, birthing centers and others asking to learn more about Hike it Baby.
3. Pay for the legal costs like insurance, lawyers and waivers to make sure all hikes are safe and protected for everyone leading them and on them.
4. Build out a Foundation that will allow Hike it Baby to give away shoes and carriers to moms and dads who can't afford to join us on trails because of limited funds!
5. Building a databank of hikes that are family friendly! We are working on improving the website so everything you enter contributes to a huge databank of hikes for you to be able to find across the country. Every hike entered will be recorded, mapped, further researched and added to a searchable databank so you can hike no matter where you are!
Today we launch the Indiegogo campaign (similar to Kickstarter) and it will run from October 1 and the campaign runs through November 5. The most important time to get funding is in the first week so it’s important to push especially hard this first week. Thanks again each one of you for your participation.
Happy hiking and can’t wait to see what the hike calendar has on it for this week…so far it’s 70….we did 82 last week….but this is only Monday. We could still beat that. :)
Shanti Hodges and Mason (who is now 15 months old and a super trooper hiker) founded Hike it Baby with the help of her awesome hubby and baby daddy Mark. Without the awesome community of amazing mamas who embraced it all, it never would have become such a cool thing. She hopes to one day get the chance to hike with every single Hike it Baby branch in America.
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